To: The General Mills Company
Re: Betty Crocker Bac-Os
Yesterday I was enjoying a salad, and had decided to embellish my salad with some of your delicious Bac-Os brand bacon bits. My salads are normally full of less-crunchy items, such as cucumbers and hard-boiled eggs, and I have discovered that your Bac-Os add a wonderful element to the culinary landscape that is my salad.
After I added the Bac-Os and put down the bottle, I noticed that it states on the side: “Refrigerate after opening for added freshness and convenience.”
Now, I understand the “freshness” part. I agree that most things tend to stay fresher when you keep them in the fridge (except for my old gym teacher, Mr. Bob - he just got stale and cranky, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.) I keep my vegetables in there, and my milk, and - after reading your package - my Bac-Os.
But “added convenience?” How do you figure? What if my normal storage location for my Bac-Os is in my ever-present Salad Utility Belt, loaded with nutritional goodness, ready to be unleashed upon any salad in the immediate vicinity at a moment’s notice?
No, I’m sorry, Ms. Crocker. Try as you might, you cannot approach that level of convenience. As a result, I am now torn. You see, I love the convenience that my Salad Utility Belt offers me. (I’m thinking of trying to market it.) I rejoice in the fact that, like a culinary Batman, I can “bring the heat” on a salad woefully lacking in croutons or non-refrigerated oil-and-vinegar dressing. (I just watched a great cops-and-robbers movie, and now that phrase is stuck in my head.) But now I am forced to choose between freshness and convenience.
It’s not an easy choice. How do you tell one of your children that you love him more than his sibling? How do you choose between “tastes great” and “less filling?” How do you choose? How?
I eagerly await your solution to this dilemma.
Yours,
Wolf
May 13th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Perhaps, as with other things for which refrigeration is recommended, the “convenience” has to do with not having to bother the coroner.
May 13th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
If you worked as a copywriter, I think you would be the bane of the editor and the art director.
Should you need fresh material to critique, I can send you some product packaging available here. The “Hand Shake” brand of Chinese rice vinegar comes to mind, along with “Addiction Pet Food”. I’m sure I could find some more next time I go grocery shopping.
May 14th, 2009 at 1:44 am
Mate, mate, this is bacon here - be flexible!
May 14th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
“Refrigerated Salad Utility Belt”; ’nuff said.
May 14th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Montucky: but they don’t need to be refrigerated! Mine haven’t been!
Unless that explains my brain’s workings lately.
May 14th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Heidi: as of yet, I’ve had three agencies tell me my writing’s great, but they’ve got no work right now. Bleah.
And yes, I’d love to see some packaging examples.
May 14th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Chris: I’m trying. I really am!
May 14th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Pinhole: Brilliant! And how shall we keep the refrigerant flowing?
May 16th, 2009 at 8:06 am
I think Ms. Crocker had just been to a marketing seminar where she learned people aways want more convenience in their lives so she just put that on there as a buzz word to add a touch of marketing hype.
May 19th, 2009 at 5:17 am
Pinhole beat me to it. Refrigerated utility belt.
Seriously. Batman would have solved this one already. (Of course he has billions of $$$’s to throw at the problem.)
June 13th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
The longer they stay fresh, the longer it’ll be before you have to go to the store to buy more. Sounds pretty convenient to me!
July 20th, 2010 at 8:50 am
Thanks for sharing
August 3rd, 2010 at 8:40 pm
Next time you should condense your post, try to leave out the parts that people ignore.
August 22nd, 2010 at 9:53 pm
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