I have bad news for all of you wolf-groupies out there. I don’t have a Twitter account. Nor do I plan to get one. So you’re stuck checking here for any updates during the course of my oh-so-exciting life. (Blogging on a Friday afternoon, for example, when I know darn well that nobody reads blogs again until Monday.)
I was thinking this morning, though, that if I did have a Twitter account, it would probably be filled with the following “tweets.” (Go ahead and picture me saying that with the air quotes. (Unless you don’t know what I look like - in which case it’d be hard to picture me doing anything, and I direct you here.))
So where was I? Oh, yes… my tweets. The following would be a good example of my daily tweets:
7:45 AM: I’m having a good hair day.
8:15 AM: What did I have for dinner last night? Because I’m paying for it now.
10:23 AM: This vacuum cleaner needs more power. I think I have a spare motor sitting in the shed.
10:32 AM: Who knew that a weed whacker motor was imcompatible with a Hoover? You’d think that be in large print!
10:47 AM: $15 for some medical gauze and Neosporin? What a racket!
10:53 AM: If video phones ever come into widespread use, I’m a goner. As far as the Wife knows, everything here at the house is FINE.
12:15 PM: Wish I could speak “dog.”
12:49 PM: Got a request for some copywriting clips from an ad agency! Yay me!
1:13 PM: Look! A squirrel!
3:42 PM: Wow. They’re right. Vitamins really do make your pee bright yellow. Wonder what would happen if I swallowed a purple hi-liter?
7:00 PM: Note to self: reprogram thermostat tomorrow. And pick up some cat litter, and some 50 microfarad capacitors. And some super glue.
8:09 PM: Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?
So tell the truth: how many followers do you think I’d have? If there’s enough of a call for it, I’m open to accepting donations to cover the cost of opening a Twitter account…
April 17th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
What kind of squirrel?
April 17th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
You’ve got this “tweet” thing down pat. If you ever want a Twitter account you can have the one that I’ll never use.
April 17th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
I’m with you. The inanities most people choose to post are hardly flattering – although yours are quite entertaining. Have you bought a new weed whacker yet?
April 17th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
I wish the dogs could speak also..that way they could and would tell on you!
April 18th, 2009 at 9:07 am
The collander helmet does wonders for the overall look, but the gloves just make your hands look fat.
Worried Wife. Two words: Collar cam.
You’re welcome.
April 18th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Congrats on the ad work. And yes, those damn motors just don’t make sense!
April 19th, 2009 at 6:46 am
If you had a Twitter account, I think I’d be following it and I suspect that you’d be deemed a bad influence. I mean, yeah, what would happen if you swallowed a purple hi-lighter…
April 19th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Pinhole: I’m not sure. Grey? Little? Full of attitude?
April 19th, 2009 at 11:29 am
Montucky: thanks! That means a lot. Think your Twitter followers would know that it wasn’t you posting?
April 19th, 2009 at 11:29 am
Heidi: I try to entertain. And no, the weed whacker is still in an unassembled state.
April 19th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Worried Wife: The dogs are easily bribed - I’m not worried.
April 19th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Mia: I’m glad you told me. Luckily I only wear the gloves for special occasions.
April 19th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Chris: Thanks! I’m hoping for some steady freelance work.
April 19th, 2009 at 11:34 am
BAiFP: I dream of being called a bad influence. Tell Paloma hello for me, would you?
April 24th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Hey Wolf,
I recently heard, and then more recently read about, your no longer being in Portland. Shame, that. At any rate, though, your blog is entertaining/amusing. Have fun in Anchorage!
Cheers,
Steve
April 26th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Good to hear from you, Steve! Glad you like the blog. Don’t be a stranger!