As you may or may not have realized, one of the reasons I’m going back to school is to learn to build robots so I can construct a robot army to enable me to take over the world.
It seems that, as an INTJ, I am not alone in dreaming of world domination; we tend to keep blogs, and we tend to post our plans on said blogs, thus lowering our chances for success unless it’s in a rousing game of Risk™. However, I trust that readers of the Cheetah will keep prior knowledge of any takeover attempts to themselves, if only because admitting in public that you read Irrelevant Cheetah is a sure way to commit social suicide.
So where was I? Oh, yes. I was about to say that the other day I had an epiphany. At first I thought it was just a common garden-variety idea, and that it would go away with the help of some beer and pretzels, but the more I considered it, the more I realized that I was staring right in the face of a genuine epiphany. And that epiphany was this:
If you’re an up-and-coming supervillain, and you have plans to take over the world, it would behoove you to not make your stage entrance in a city known for its superhero activity.
In other words, if you are the Mole Man, and you would like to enslave all surface-dwellers to do your bidding, it probably won’t be a good idea to surface for the first time in Metropolis.
Likewise, the Evil Electric Eel would be well-advised to stay away from Gotham City, at least until he gets his crime-legs. New York is off limits, and it’d be smart to stay away from Smallville as well. In fact, a budding criminal would do well for him/herself to do a little Googling and find out if the planned city of entrance has had any reports of some idiot running around in tights. Even if the idiot is a brand new superhero, brand new superheroes probably have something to prove, and thus could make formidable opponents. I might laugh at Dryer Lint Boy, but when he hits me with a good static electricity charge and knocks out my robot controls, I won’t be laughing any more.
I know, it seems obvious now that I’ve pointed it out, but little things like that can derail an entire domination scenario, and it’s the little things that are often overlooked.
December 4th, 2008 at 10:51 am
I think that the European theatre is rather underpopulated by superheroes or supervillains and, as such, would be an excellent testing ground for young and inexperienced superpersonages. It is not generally known but in London we only have two registered superpeople: CupofTeaGirl and ExcuseMeIsThisSeatTakenMan.
However, other European cities - for example Frankfurt, Bruges,Toulon and Salzburg are, I believe, vacant. Having seen all three Godfather films I feel that it might, however, be wise to steer clear of Sicily until you were more practised.
World domination should perhaps start somewhere modest like the Isle of Wight or at least somewhere with sunshine and good beaches like the Seychelles.
It is also less likely to attract swift retribution if you make sure that it has no oil fields.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Admit it fella, you’re just cultivating the supervillain readership so that as soon as you can build robots, you have a guaranteed client base.
C’mon, I’m right, yeah?
December 4th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
James: I must admit that testing my armies in a locale like, say, the South of France does have a certain ring to it. Unfortunately, “taking over Salzburg” doesn’t have that same ring.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Chris: though that is indeed an excellent idea, the problem I foresee is that supervillains are notorious for nonpayment for services rendered. Actually, they’re just as likely to kill you as pay their invoice in full.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
I hate to say this, Wolf, but it may be something in the water. I’ve seen this type of behavior in people from Oregon before.
December 5th, 2008 at 8:23 am
I think you’re right, Montucky! When that girl walked by me yesterday with fifteen pieces of metal in her face, I couldn’t figure it out. It must be something in the water.
Good thing I’m not drinking the water, eh?
December 6th, 2008 at 6:44 am
I had an epiphany once, but nowadays you can have them taken off right in the doctor’s office with liquid nitrogen.
Coincidentally, that stuff is like kryptonite to Dryer Lint Boy.
December 7th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Note to self: must find liquid nitrogen supplier. Either for Dryer Lint Boy repulsion, or to get rid of further epiphanies.
December 11th, 2008 at 7:47 am
Holy shit, dude, I didn’t know *you* were an INTJ evil mastermind too! I’ve posted some of my evil plans myself. Hey, want to be each other’s arch-nemesis? It’ll be fun!
December 11th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
That is an excellent idea. I think we both need an arch-nemesis. Tell you what: let’s exchange addresses and Christmas card info, and then first thing next year we can start plotting each other’s downfall.