There’s something sticky on the bottom of my shoe.
Ordinarily that wouldn’t bother me too much, but it’s giving me all sorts of problems.
First of all, I work in a carpeted office, and it doesn’t stick to the carpet. This means that I only notice the stickiness when I wander down the hall to the tiled restroom. Then I start to stick, along with the accompanying sound effects: step schwick! step schwick! step schwick! But I won’t look at the bottom of my shoe in the bathroom for two reasons. One: I’m not sure what I might end up looking at, and two: if someone were to walk in just as I was looking, they might think that I had done my business on the floor rather than in the facilities and was checking to see if I had stepped in it.
So I decide that after I do my business, I’ll investigate further once I get back to my desk. But then, because I have the attention span of a slug, I see my shiny computer and promptly forget all about my sticky shoe, because it’s not sticking to the carpet.
(It just occurred to me that perhaps that’s not the best analogy. I can only assume that slugs actually have a pretty long attention span, otherwise, given their normal speed of travel, they would forget where they were going on a fairly regular basis, and we would have slugs aimlessly wandering everywhere, too confused to ask for directions and only knowing that they need to avoid
But anyway: I have investigated the stick. I know all I could possibly know about it without actually looking at it.
1. It’s only on my right foot, so I managed to halfway avoid stepping in whatever I stepped in.
2. It’s not on the ball of my foot, only on the heel, as if I had dug my heel into something repulsive. (You never dig your heel into something non-repulsive. Think of the last time you stepped on a cockroach.)
3. It’s very sticky. I mean, super-power-like sticky. If I could figure out the physical logistics, I could give Spiderman a run for his money. Unfortunately, I think a superhero whose only ability is that of sticking his right heel to a wall and hanging from it has a limited chance at success.
4. It doesn’t stick to carpet (see above.) Perhaps, were I to attain superhero status, this would be my Achilles heel – my kryptonite, to continue the superhero theme. “Oh, you’re going to fight Sticky Heel Man? You know what his weakness is, don’t you? Berber. Or a nice shag. It’ll drop him every time.”
5. It doesn’t smell. At least, I haven’t noticed any particular odors following me through the office, and none of my coworkers have said anything, so I can safely assume that I am odor-free.
So what it boils down to is this: at some point this morning, I stepped in an extremely sticky, non-odorous substance that was repulsive enough to make me dig in my heel. At least part of me was paying attention enough to make me jump aside and avoid stepping in it with both shoes. And I can write an entire blog post about it without looking to see what it is.
And now I stick to the bathroom floor, with no increased chances of becoming a superhero. It must be Thursday.
Humor-blogs.com has many, many arch-enemies.
Recent Comments