I was going to jot down a quick ‘Questions I need answers to,’ but then I thought that has kind of been done, and it’d be boring, and it would bring up uncomfortable questions like “Really? Eight times?” and “Why haven’t you solved the Riemann Hypothesis?” and “Huh?”, and I don’t want to concern myself with that right now. No, the problem I’m having is that I’ve got all of these answers and I don’t know their questions. Not a common problem, perhaps, but pressing, nonetheless.
So what follows is, as you can see, a list of burning answers. Feel free to join in, if you can help me out here. There are no right or wrong questions, but you will be judged on accuracy, originality, and usage of seasoning.
Oh, and #8 is, of course, a given in this sort of discussion.
- It’s small, brown and furry
- Charles
- 7.5 light years
- “Elementary, my dear Watson.”
- pumpernickel
- Because side effects may include dizziness, vomiting and the inability to finish sente
- to cluck like a chicken
- 42
- well-chewed
- It’s all there in the highlighted portions
Thanks for your help on this, honestly.
Though they claim otherwise, humor-blogs.com doesn’t have all of the answers either.
April 11th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Great Grandma, Grandma, and Mother all had a well-chewed philosophy. They though well-chewed food was better than either sex or cleanliness.
As for #4 on your lisrt, Holmes never said it.
Sometimes the side effects of improper medication are better than the disease–or, more interesting.
Malcolm
April 11th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Good to see you again, Malcolm! I wondered who would be first to point that, indeed, Holmes never actually said that.
If we can film clean, well-chewed sex, I think we’ll have a winner. Or a fetish site.
April 12th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
The question to the first answer is: what does Mark Rey think a polar bear looks like?
And number 8: What are the last two characters in the name of the best model that Oldsmobile ever produced?
Number 3: What is the opposite of 7.5 heavy years?
Oh, I’m sorry… do I have to raise my hand to question an answer?
April 13th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
I’ll have a go:
1. How is a squirrel like the 3-year old package of hot dogs in the back of my fridge?
2. What does Brittany Spears prefer to be called in private?
3. If time were distance, how old would John McCain be?
4. How did Jack Nicklaus explain his 90-foot putt to Tom on the 7th green at Torrey Pines?
5. What is the first step to take if one of your wife’s five-cent pieces goes flat?
6. Why should you never lick a badger’s ea…
7. Why did John Travolta cross the road?
8. What is the actual number of times Douglas Adams has turned over in his grave?
9. What do Kathy Lee Gifford’s feet look like?
10. Can you find a map of the Andes in your Grandmother’s wig?
April 14th, 2008 at 4:22 am
1. It’s small, brown and furry: What’s in my toilet the day after I eat the two-week old leftover burrito in my fridge?
2. Charles: Who’s in charge here?
3. 7.5 light years: How old would my dog be if he was a light bulb?
4. “Elementary, my dear Watson.”: Sherlock, what’s your highest level of education?
5. pumpernickel: My girlfriend, Nickel, is sex starved. What should I do?
6. Because side effects may include dizziness, vomiting and the inability to finish sente: Aside from my raging four-hour boner, why shouldn’t I take Viagra?
7. to cluck like a chicken: If I was your sex slave, what would you want me to do to turn you on..you know…homosexually?
8. 42: How many licks does it REALLY take to get to the center of Britney Spears?
9. well-chewed: What will Britney look like after all those licks?
10. It’s all there in the highlighted portions: Where in the instruction book does it tell me all the spots I can insert my wiggly into this inflatable horse?
April 14th, 2008 at 6:19 am
montucky: no hand-raising necessary. And I like the Mark Rey question, I really do.
April 14th, 2008 at 6:21 am
Pinhole: excellent. And now, thanks to you, I will never look at Kathy Lee Gifford the same way again.
April 14th, 2008 at 6:23 am
moooooog: between you and Pinhole, I sense a Britney Spears theme going on here. Together with well-chewed feet and inflatable horses, I think my Google search results are about to get a lot weirder.
Just don’t start clucking, okay?