Irrelevant Cheetah

Announcer 1: So now we come to our next event: Synchronized Snoring.

Announcer 2: That’s right, Bob! This event is probably one of the most difficult we’re going to see today, if only because both team members are, as part of the rules, asleep.

Bob: So, refresh us on the rules, would you, Jerry?

Jerry: Sure, Bob! Basically, both teammates must be snoring for this to work at all. There’s a human team member and his canine counterpart. Snores must be audible – the louder the better. Snoring in perfect rhythm is what you’re going for, and every now and then you’ll get what’s called a “Stream” in the sport.

Bob: A “Stream?” What’s that, Jerry?

Jerry: Wow, you’re kind of an idiot, aren’t you, Bob? A Stream is what happens when the human is inhaling while the dog is exhaling, and vice versa. The end result is a perfect stream of snore, uninterrupted by respiration.

Bob: That’s awesome, Jerry! Oh, and by the way, I love the new toupee.

Jerry: Thanks, Bob. Now, as I was saying, a Stream is unusual. Only the best teams get them. Basically the judges are looking for a good solid rhythm. Let’s go to our first team, Wolf and his dog.

Bob:  I gotta tell you, I’ve seen these two perform before, and when they get into rhythm, it’s a beautiful thing. Here’s the drop off…

Jerry: Well, it’s going to be a few moments while they get their breathing settled. Let’s have a word from our sponsor, Nyquil®.

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Bob: Aaaaand we’re back to this year’s synchronized snoring event. Wolf and his dog are settling in to a nice rhythm. They had a rocky start, but they’re making up for it.

Jerry: Bob, it looks like the Wife’s awake.

Bob: That’s great, Jerry. If the team can keep the spouse awake, it’s a point in their favor with the judges. Now, I – Oh, wait a minute. Looks like the dog dropped a beat, there.

Jerry: He certainly did. Looks like he rolled over on his ear. That’s going to be hard to pull out of. If they’re looking to beat the Swedish team, they’re going to have to do better.

Bob: Did I tell you I met the Swedes last year after they took the gold? Nice team. They- Wait a minute. What’s he doing?

Jerry: I didn’t think I’d see it, but… yes, Wolf’s using the apnea! See, by not breathing for a minute or two, he can get back in sync with the dog. Oh, that’s brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. They’re going to pull it off.

Bob: Let’s take a look at what the judges have to say… An 8.5, a 9.2 and a 9.4! Those are great scores, Jerry. We might be looking at some medalists, here.

Jerry: Well, like you said, this can truly be a beautiful thing. I’m glad I saw it. We’ll be right back.

Humor-blogs.com probably takes sleeping pills.