You know those chalk outlines that are drawn around dead bodies?
Have you ever noticed the position that they’re in? Almost without fail, they’re always in the same position.
First of all, it looks uncomfortable. I mean, if I found myself in that position, it wouldn’t be long before I would have to move around to relieve the discomfort. It’s a good thing that the person is dead, otherwise I can imagine that there’d be all sorts of complaining and whining going on.
Secondly, it makes me think that it would be extremely hazardous to just lie down in that position, for you would run the risk of some overeager chalk-outline-drawing guy running up and drawing a chalk outline around you. Then you’d have to sit up and say, “What are you doing? I was just taking a nap!” And they would be all apologetic, and it might get sort of uncomfortable. On the flip side, however, I suppose you could take the opportunity to ask them exactly how one goes about becoming a chalk-outline-drawing professional, on the slight chance that such a career move appeals to you.
But back to the outline. It kind of looks like the person was waving, doesn’t it? It’s like, here’s Joe, waving to the FedEx guy, and then he was surprised mid-wave by the sidewalk coming up to meet him really fast.
“Hey, Carl! How’s it –” Crunch!
So I’ve decided that if I ever reach the point in my life where there’s going to be a chalk outline drawn around me (and hopefully that point will be at the end of my life rather than inconveniently placed in the middle) I’m going to be different. I’m going to put both arms over my head, so they’ll think that I thought I was Superman and was unpleasantly surprised.
Either that, or I’m going to form the ‘M’ shape from that YMCA song. I can’t decide.
This post is outlining the others over at humor-blogs.com.
March 8th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
And who do you have to piss off at the Police department to get that job? Maybe it’s a job you apply for. Might have to drudge up some silhouette art from kindergarden to show as credentials during the job interview.
March 8th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
i was always a “Y” person, myself.
March 8th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Jay: I just don’t know how that would look on my resume.
“1996 - present: Chalk outliner. Accurately represented position and location of deceased persons using chalk. Winner of several awards.”
March 8th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
grace: I think the “Y” would look too much like you were just trying to get somebody’s attention before you were rudely interrupted by the sidewalk.
But if that’s the look you’re going for, by all means.
March 9th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I think you should arrange yourself to leave a clue…like in The DaVince Code. Then when someone asks what you died of the other person wouldn’t be able to say, “I haven’t got a clue.”
March 10th, 2008 at 5:11 am
I’m going to be holding a broomstick through my legs.
I’ll be LEGENDARY.
March 10th, 2008 at 7:35 am
Pinhole: should I use the boardgame version, or the PC game version?
March 10th, 2008 at 7:35 am
moooooog35: Just be sure it isn’t a Swiffer. That could be hard to explain to Mrs. Moog.
March 10th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Hilarious!!!!!!
How would they outline someone with their ass up in the air? Cause that’s the way I want to be when it’s my time to go.
Suppose my outline would look something like a snail?
March 11th, 2008 at 1:43 am
I’m partial to the Saturday Night Fever pose myself.
March 11th, 2008 at 6:45 am
Preposterous: I’m afraid you would just end up looking really short. Although, if you landed sideways, you might indeed resemble a snail.
March 11th, 2008 at 6:47 am
Lis: Aha! A good one. I’d be curious to know what thoughts might be going through your head in order to be in that pose when you hit the sidewalk, however.
March 11th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Preposterous: Haha. I think people who die with their ass in the air are reincarnated as a bike rack.
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