Irrelevant Cheetah

Once upon a time (on February 23, to be exact) I learned about a contest. It seemed a simple contest, really, and it was held by YouTube. It was their Sketches II contest, and the rules were thus:

You must create a sketch comedy style film. At least one of the main characters must mess about with a recognizable musical instrument, and the theme of the sketch must be something to do with a road trip. The sketch may be no longer than 3 minutes, and the deadline for submission is 8:00 PM, Alaska time, March 3, 2008. Grand Prize: $25,000 cash and $15,000 in filmmaking equipment.

I have been thinking about trying a short film for a while anyway, so I did some quick figuring. “This means,” said I to myself, “that I have about 10 days to write a script, build some props, film the thing, learn some brand new editing software, edit the film, produce it and upload it, all while holding down a full time job and remaining a productive member of society. Any halfway sane person would walk away right now.”

I, of course, started writing the script that evening.

So that’s where I’ve been the last week or so, and I apologize for not visiting as much as in the past, and for not leaving as many comments on your blogs. I did read them when I had a chance, but my Dostoevsky-like comment-writing ability was temporarily overshadowed by the birth of my Spielberg-like directing ability.

And the film? Finished, edited and submitted. If you like, you may view it here. (I’d embed it, but it does all sorts of funky things to the formatting here, and I’m still trying to attract lurkers, and everybody knows that lurkers are frightened off by bad formatting.)

The worst part of this whole thing was getting it under 3 minutes. You know how directors complain that they have to sacrifice their creative vision in order to satisfy the public? Well, the bloody remnants of my creative vision are lying in a gory puddle all around my computer, and this is where I have to give my wife credit – in a good way, of course. Her objectivity stepped up and took charge, and ruthlessly cut away the excess four minutes (yes, the unedited version was over seven minutes long) without whining. Well, there was whining, but it was mine.

“What? We can’t lose that line! It’s integral to the plot!”

To which she would respond, “You don’t need it. Trust me.” And then she would slash away with a few mouse clicks, and another awesome bit of dialogue would crash to the floor, writhing in agony as it died a creative (rather messy) death.

And she did an excellent job. She kept the creative vision alive, and we skated in at three minutes exactly. YouTube says it’s 3:01, but they’re obviously smoking something.

So now I wait. Some judges will pick the best twenty films over the next two weeks, and then those twenty will be posted for the general YouTube community to vote on. Then the top ten filmmakers will get two weeks to make another sketch, the theme of which is kept secret until the ten are announced. The best of those ten wins the prize.

So I hope you enjoy the film. There will be other episodes, I’m pretty sure, whether I win this thing or not. If I get into the top twenty, I will post another blog, begging you all to come and vote for me. If I don’t get in, I will post another blog, whining and complaining and blaming it on being misunderstood as an artist.

And I will be releasing a director’s cut of “Road Trip,” I think, over the next few days. Not all seven minutes, but with some of my awesome dialogue resurrected. Stay tuned.