Words At least he can still ride a bike
Feb 01

It’s cold today.

For those of you just joining us, this blog is brought to you from the frozen heart of the ArcticAlaska. Try to keep up, okay?

So, as I was saying: it’s cold. When I left for work this morning, it was -5 degrees outside. Yes, that’s five degrees below zero. Or, to put it another way, thirty-seven degrees below the point at which water freezes.

When it gets this cold, the candle flames freeze, and you have to break them off and warm them up in your hands before they begin to burn.

When it gets this cold, the frost that collects on your windshield overnight mutates. It becomes atomically inseparable from the glass, and laughs derisively at any attempts to remove it via ice scraper, ice pick or flame thrower. The only way to remove this mutant frost is to turn your defrost on ‘high’ and wait for your engine to reach normal operating temperature, which at this ambient temperature takes roughly twenty minutes. Of course, the drive to work takes about eighteen minutes. This means that you will be unable to see out of any of your car windows until it is no longer necessary to do so.

Needless to say, when I stepped outside to start my car this morning, I shook my fists at the sky and cursed the cold, bitter, unforgiving darkness. Then I whimpered and came back inside to stick my hands into the refrigerator to warm them up. I had to be careful because my ears had frozen, and if I had tapped them, they would have broken off like crackers.

So those of you complaining about having to put on a sweater because it dipped below 50? I hate you. Nothing personal – I just hope you end up being allergic to that wool sweater and itch a lot.

13 Responses to “Hot enough for ya?”

  1. Lis Says:

    Oh hey, it’s 24C here now or.. *checks* 75F. Tees and shorts and flip flops kind of weather. Don’t even have a chance to feel allergic to a wool sweater because, you know, I don’t get to wear one.

    Just thought I’ll share. :D

  2. wolf Says:

    May you step on a pop-top and blow out your flip flop.

  3. Montucky Says:

    -5? I thought that was a balmy day for you guys up there! Of course, we hit +34 today here. (Thought you should know.)

  4. wolf Says:

    Nah, you’re thinking of Prudhoe Bay. They were at -55 a few days ago.

    34 degrees? Above zero? Break out the Hawaiian shirts!

  5. silken Says:

    hope my picts of the gulf helped! :)
    we had a lovely day and tomorrow should be warmer!

  6. wolf Says:

    Well, it warmed up here, too. We’re expecting a high of 5 today.

  7. Pinhole Says:

    I have a garage. Is weather still a problem in some parts of the world?

  8. wordvixen Says:

    So… I just got back from Florida yesterday…

  9. Heidi Says:

    Here in Singapore it’s a balmy 80-90° F (with about 95% humidity), pretty much year-round. Sweaters and jackets are reserved for indoor use.

  10. wolf Says:

    Pinhole: Ah, a garage. I have heard of these modern conveniences. I fear that if I had one, it would be filled with robot parts and beer. Priorities, you know.

  11. wolf Says:

    wordvixen: Balmy? Sunny? Hurricane-y? I mean, welcome back!

  12. wolf Says:

    Heidi: you and Lis can get together sometime and laugh at me freezing my various parts off. I take comfort in the fact that sweaters are a great fashion accessory.

  13. wordvixen Says:

    It was about 50-60 degrees F the first few days, but shot up to 70-82 degrees the last few days. Since it was about 30 degrees here, it was still a nice change even on the cooler days. Plus, I just love palm trees. I even have a favorite one! I took a picture of it.

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