SCENE: a dimly lit living room. MAN and WOMAN are sitting on the couch watching TV. OFFSPRING is somewhere off screen, singing his version of “Jingle Bells” rather loudly and somewhat off-key.
MAN: You know, we’ve been together for eleven years now, and every day is better than the day before. (Settles back on couch, grinning smugly, confident that he has just pulled off a romantic coup.)
WOMAN: (Still watching TV.) Twelve years.
MAN: Excuse me?
WOMAN: We’ve been together now for twelve years.
MAN: Wait, wait, wait. (Shakes head.) We got together in ‘96, correct?
WOMAN: Yes.
MAN: And it is now, according to my calculations, 2007, correct?
WOMAN: Right again.
MAN: And the last time I checked, 2007-1996=11. So we’ve been together for eleven years.
WOMAN: Except that we got together in February. And since it’s almost February now, it’s more like twelve years.
MAN: So we got together in 1996, and it’s now 2007, and we’ve been together for…
WOMAN: Twelve years.
OFFSPRING (offscreen): Jingle bells, Batman smells…
MAN: (Makes sound like somebody strangling a horse with a piece of licorice.) What is that, Venus Math? Because my Algebra professor would have flunked you with calculations like that.
WOMAN: Yup. Venus Math. Good term. And it’s the only math that counts.
MAN: (Flops back on couch, grumbling under his breath.) I have just lost another one, yet I press on. Tally ho!
WOMAN: What’s that, dear?
MAN: Nothing, dear. So what’s on CBS tonight, anyway?
December 26th, 2007 at 6:38 pm
Yup, it’s just as Will Rogers said: “There’s only two ways to argue with a woman. Neither one of them works.”
December 26th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
I am hard at work on finding out exactly how many unsuccessful ways there are. So far I’m up to forty-three and a half.
December 26th, 2007 at 8:35 pm
It’ll be a long, hard life.
December 27th, 2007 at 7:21 am
Sorry, gonna have to side with your wife on this one. If you remove the arbitrary beginning and ending of the year, you’re closer to 144 months than 132, which are of course still arbitrary, blah, blah, blah…huh, maybe nobody wins this one.
December 27th, 2007 at 9:43 am
Oh, you’re right, of course, and so is she. She’s still using Venus Math, though, and I don’t know if we Martians will ever understand it. I wonder what the drinking age is in Venus Years… 25?
December 27th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
Well I am going to go back before the adoption of our current Gregorian calendar, and calculate this using the more reliable Hebrew solar calendar.
I’ll be back in a few weeks with my analysis! :p
December 27th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
It’s possible that the Hebrew calendar will show that we’ve been married for three and a half Solons. Or two Luxbrags.