Why do we close our eyes when we sneeze?
Why does my cat throw up on the carpet, six inches from the linoleum?
If you have one M&M in your hand, is it an M&M? Or just an M?
Why do I practice ventriloquism in the bathroom mirror with a sock puppet when nobody’s looking?
Am I any good?
If there have been signs posted for the last two fucking miles that the right lane is closed ahead, why do people still wait until the last minute to merge left, thus cutting in line (normally directly in front of me) and angering multitudes of other drivers?
Why does my co-worker have “Joy to the World” as his ringtone?
Why is it against the rules for the offspring to play tag in his classroom?
Is it against the rules for me to play tag in the office?
Why is it so hard for so many people to understand that the apostrophe (a wonderful, endangered critter) is normally used to denote a possessive, not a plural?
Why does that bother me so very, very, very, incredibly much?
What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
Am I running out of blog ideas?
Just wondering.
December 7th, 2007 at 4:10 pm
#1. This may not be actual fact, and I don’t feel like looking up a reliable source to quote, buuuut… Supposedly the force of our sneezes would blow our eyeballs out of our heads if we were able to keep our eyes open while sneezing.
#2. Because cats are eeeevil. That’s why I like them.
#3. Turn it upside down. It might be a W.
#4. Because you’re weird.
#5. I don’t know. I’ve never seen you doing it.
#6. Because everyone else in this stupid county are absolute idiots. I mean… in your county.
#7. Just be glad that it’s not that stupid “I don’t wanna be a murderer” song. For many, many reasons.
#8. Because schools are places where they suck all individuality out of you, and then give you a piece of paper when they succeed.
#9. I say go for it. Just remember that it’s not very easy to tag yourself. Remember what dogs look like when chasing their tails.
#10. Maybe they were original put in the right place, but escaped and couldn’t find their way back. Like my cat who would run out of the house and we’d find her on the neighbor’s porch.
#11. Because you’re a writer and you have to be neurotic to be a writer.
#12. Little known fact, but sliced pizza predates sliced bread by centuries. But they used to put cat meat on it instead of pepperoni. It is believed that this is because the original “cat pizza” was made as revenge on a cat who puked on the inventor’s carpet mere inches from the inventor’s linoleum. It is also held that the “slicing” was meant as further torture of said cat.
#11. It’s possible, but you’ve just given me more writing practice than I’ve had in days.
December 7th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
I’m not sure, but I think “cabin fever” has something to do with it. Except for the cat’s behavior (possessive).
December 7th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
WordVixen: Thanks for setting me straight on some of these. And I’m glad I could help with the writing practice, as always.
(Oh, and BTW: Adam on MythBusters actually proved that you can keep your eyes open when you sneeze - it’s just really, really difficult.)
December 7th, 2007 at 5:11 pm
montucky: yeah, if the cat had cabin fever I have a feeling it’d be really ugly. She’s just being a butthead, as usual.
December 7th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
I have an apostrophe in my name, and really, I’m not all that possessive. Also, sadly, they are becoming endangered. I can’t even use my real name in most computer software applications.
December 7th, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Regarding apostrophes: I find inappropriate apostrophes equally grating, particularly when paired with the word “it”. “Cat salami has been a gourmet item for centuries, it’s main ingredient having first been used on pizza.”
December 8th, 2007 at 11:04 am
Wolf- Glad to be of service!
Heidi- *giggle @ cat salami* And I totally agree with the its/it’s problem.
December 9th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Pinhole: I never use my real name in software applications. I wonder - how possessive is Gwendolyn of you?
December 9th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Heidi - perhaps you know how difficult it is for me to leave that apostrophe in your comment where it is. It’s really making me itch.