Irrelevant Cheetah

Apparently, Mars, Inc. does not know me and has, once again, failed to consider the utter chaos that could result from me getting a hold of their latest marketing campaign. You’d think they’d learn.

I speak, of course, about this. For those of you too lazy to click the link, (I mean, honestly, guys! It opens in a new page and everything!) it takes you to a page where you can order, directly from the manufacturer, custom printed M&Ms in your choice of festive colors or color combinations, including, among others, “For Her” and “Hannukah.”

How awesome is this? I mean, this is pure gold! You can put anything you want to on your little candy-coated messengers. I think the best part is the fact that you’re limited to 8 characters per line. This, of course, forces you to put some serious thought into your message. You can’t just write “May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.” Rather, you must say it in a way that encompasses no more than 16 characters, including spaces (or 32, if you want to cheat and split the message into two parts.) It’s sort of like a haiku, except that it’s using characters, not syllables. And it’s on pieces of candy. And it doesn’t have its origin in Japanese poetry. So maybe it’s not like a haiku at all.

So, of course I started thinking of the possibilities for this. You could send a plea for help:

You could make an advertising statement:

You could even make it a bit more confessional:

And that right there illustrates the best part of this concept: nobody dislikes candy messages. Ordinarily, telling the person in the cubicle next to you that he’s an imbecilic asshat might make him a wee bit sore at you. However, giving him a handful of M&Ms that say the same thing (in no more than 32 melt-in-your-mouth-not-in-your-hand characters) can give you both a good laugh. Or not. Either way, the two of you can share a chocolaty snack and some camaraderie.

So now, of course, comes the interactive portion of this blog: lemme see what you can come up with using 16 characters. You can just post it in the comments if you don’t want to go through the admittedly lengthy process of screenshot/download/upload/linking.