I waited until I heard the door click shut before opening my eyes. I peered through my fingers at the door until I was sure it was safe to emerge from my finger-cocoon. Feeling very avant-garde, I wandered over to the window and peered outside at the city streets below as I pondered my next move.
I was going to have to call the Chief. He and I got along, I supposed, now that all of the restraining orders had expired. I steeled my nerves and picked up the receiver. I noticed as I dialed that I was, in fact, right-eared. Who knew?
“This is Chief McCuddy.” I could almost smell the jelly donuts through the phone.
“Chief? It’s Sam. Sam Ladle.”
“Sam? Haven’t heard from you in a while. Guess the good times can’t last forever.”
“Never mind that. I need to know about an accident victim you had a few days ago. A fall, I think.”
“A fall? A fall, you say. Hmmmm…”
I had learned long ago that getting a straight answer out of the Chief was like getting an alligator to dance Swan Lake. I rubbed my forehead. “Chief, I’m going to go out on a limb here, take a stab in the dark… I’m guessing the accident victim was an H. Dumpty.”
Silence. I could hear the hamsters in his head running around in circles. “Oh, yeah – the fall guy!” I resisted the urge to groan, instead reaching for the bottle of Chivas, which seemed much lighter than it had this morning. “Yeah, we got ‘im. Whaddya wanna know?”
“What can you tell me? Was it an accident?”
“Well, it’s really hard to tell. First of all, the body’s mangled like you wouldn’t believe.”
“Oh, I’d believe it,” I answered smoothly. “I was actually expecting it.”
“And secondly, the evidence at the scene was badly compromised. Do you have any idea what all of the King’s horses did to the crime scene?”
“I can only imagine, Chief.”
“So all we know is that he fell. Why’d you want to know, anyway?”
“No reason. Got a new client, that’s all.” Even as I spoke, that blonde wig was dancing in front of me, getting in the way of the shot glass. “She asked me to take a look around, see what I could find.”
“Now look, Ladle. This is an active investigation, and I don’t need you poking your nose around, getting in the way.”
“Relax, Chief,” I purred. “You won’t even know I’m around.” I didn’t think McCuddy would know how to handle an ‘active investigation’ if it came up and bit him, but I had to butter him up.
Call me Parkay. “I’m just going to stop by the scene, look around. I won’t touch nothing. Then I’m gone. All right?”
“I’m watching you, Ladle,” he answered peevishly. Then his tone changed abruptly. “Oh, yeah! I just remembered what I was going to tell you! Your buddy’s out of the clink!”
“My buddy?” I had a lot of ‘buddies’ that had made trips to the joint thanks to me. “Care to elaborate? I’m actually quite popular on the inside.”
“Oh, I’ll bet. I’m talking about the Knave. Remember him?”
I shook my head very fast, a distinct sense of panic – and dizziness – beginning to creep over me. “What the hell is he doing out already?”
“Well, it’s not like tart-stealing is a capital offense, you know.”
“It is if it’s stealing from the Queen!” Despite my self-control, I could hear the pitch of my voice spiraling toward the glass-breaking end of the spectrum. “I thought she said he was going to rot in there!”
The chuckles coming from the receiver sounded evil. “Look, Ladle. Maybe he’s forgiven you. Maybe he’s planning to send you a card. Maybe –”
“Thanks, Chief. Gotta go. I’ll keep in touch.” I slammed the phone down and reached for the Chivas. As I poured myself a drink, I realized the worst part of the situation so far: I hadn’t even gotten her name.
To Be Continued
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