A permanent fixture in American life in general and public restrooms in particular seems to be the graffiti. For as long as I can remember, I have been privy to information – while relieving myself - about not only certain individuals, but also about whole social and racial groups in their entirety. I have also, during the course of my reading, developed enough forensic abilities in deciphering the oft-cryptic scripts to enable me to get a job at CSI: Miami.
I can read all about Mary Jo and Sarah, if I choose. (It seems the former is very good at some things, but not at others, while the latter will do certain things if you call her.) On another sector of the stall I can learn that those of the Hebrew persuasion are all of questionable parentage, while the “Crips” and the “Bloods” are obviously going to have a battle of some kind, since both are reputed to “rule forever.” It also seems that each particular stall is frequented by homosexual males, many of whom offer to meet with the reader at a certain time on a certain day – a questionable tactic, it seems to me, in this age of sexually transmitted diseases.
I have always wondered as I sit there perusing these endless streams of information: is the women’s restroom as interesting a read? I think it must be so, but a part of me has always held that women are infinitely more ‘classy’ than men (especially hormone-drenched teenage boys) and thus women would tend to keep their bathrooms clean and graffiti-free.
So rather than investigate for myself and risk arrest or bodily injury, I did what any sensible person would do: I asked my wife. Her answer? Women are most definitely not more classy than men. Graffiti also covers the women’s restroom. Next, I asked her about the subject matter, to which she replied that women can also read about certain individuals. A certain boy may be “cute,” while another may resemble certain anatomical parts, perhaps because said boy was unfaithful to the writer of the missive. Other messages concern eternal pairings, such as in “X and Y forever.” I didn’t ask about social or economic groups, but I assume that there are messages about them as well.
I’m not sure what I learned here. I do know that the reading helps pass the time, and I have often wondered what the reaction would be were I to print the whole of Moby Dick or Jabberwocky on the wall.
I would probably learn that Ahab was gay, and the Jabberwocky will meet you here at 7 PM Saturday.
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