I think it’s time to end our little affair. At the risk of sounding cliché: It’s not you, it’s me. Really. I have tried and tried to understand why it is that you continue to contact me when I have repeatedly made it clear that I no longer wish to spend time with you.
Since I don’t understand why you persist, let me tell you this and get the guilt off of my chest. You see, you’re not the only utility person in my life. There are not one, not two, but three others that I spend time with. And every month, I can only correspond with one or two of you, and not all three. So do you know what I do?
I flip a coin. Cruel as it is, it is the only way I can divvy up my resources. And the problem is that someone always gets neglected, and someone always gets hurt. And that someone ends up sending me a nasty letter, and then I scramble to make up for the neglect.
Well, I can’t put myself through that any longer. The guilt has been too much for me to bear. You deserve someone better – someone who will never ignore you, someone who will give you the attention you deserve, each and every month.
I understand if this upsets you. Hell, it’s tearing me apart, and I’m the one breaking up with you. So in order to let bygones be bygones, and to ensure that we part as friends, I’ll let you leave your goods and services here, where I promise to take care of them and make them useful. It’s the least I can do.
So go, be free. I hope you find true happiness, I really do. Remember me with fondness, dear one.
With love,
wolf
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