I have recently discovered that I am most likely afflicted with Raynaud’s Phenomenon. What this means, in a nutshell, is that when I get cold and/or stressed, my fingers (and sometimes toes) lose circulation in a big way. They turn white and splotchy and lose all feeling until I either warm up or remove my stress by whatever means necessary, up to and including the use of small arms fire. There’s no real cause for the condition; nor is there a cure. It just happens, and I have to live with it, annoying as it may be.
This is fine. It is just an annoyance, after all. But what it brings up is this: Who is Raynaud? And why does he get a Phenomenon named after him?
I assume that he is (was) a scientist or doctor of some sort that either discovered the condition in himself or was just lucky enough to name it before some other schmuck got to it. So presto – Raynaud has himself a phenomenon. No, actually, he’s got himself a Phenomenon, with a capital P.
Yes, I could do with my own Phenomenon. But there’s other loot that interests me. How about a Syndrome? I would like my own Syndrome. There aren’t many named after people, so that would be a score.
But the real booty here is a Maneuver. Think about it. How many Maneuvers are there? Just the one – the Heimlich Maneuver. And who was he? Was he a doctor? Just some (un)lucky bastard whose roommate tended to choke a lot, so he got really good at dislodging corn dogs from his esophagus? Whoever he was, he got the Granddaddy of treasures: the one and only Maneuver.
How do I go about getting one? Do you think it needs to have a medical reason for existence, or could it be something like the Macarena? Because that whole “Saturday Night Fever” move is pretty recognizable, but you don’t hear it being called the Travolta Maneuver.
This is something I must contemplate further. Thus far the only ideas I have would probably get me jail time if I performed them in public. Keep your eyes and ears open for the Donat Maneuver, however.
I promise it’ll be legal in 2/3 of civilized countries.
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