In my continuing effort to take over the world, I have discovered two very important things. First, my dog’s farts smell much worse than my own. And second, people can be really stupid.
“Hold on,” I can hear both of you saying. “What do your dog’s farts have to do with world domination?”
To which I reply, “I’m not sure yet, but work with me here.” There’s an idea fermenting in my brain that needs more time to simmer, if you don’t mind me mixing my cooking metaphors. You see, there’s an oaken, woody smell, not unlike a small animal decaying inside a tree in Juarez in July, that follows my dog around after he eats popcorn. If I could somehow bottle that smell, I’m pretty sure it could be used to overthrow the government – I just haven’t designed a delivery system yet. Something involving a slingshot, a wi-fi antenna and a FedEx account, I think. I’ll keep you posted.
As far as people being pretty stupid, well, doesn’t that go without saying? Look at the guy behind you with fourteen items in the “ten items or less” line. If I could discover a way to make these people self-sterilize, I think I wouldn’t even have to forcibly overthrow the world – I think people would elect me of their own accord. And truth be told, I would much rather rule a world that elected me. It’s easier than trying to maintain power with force.
I still need minions, though. Past attempts at hiring them have thus far been unsuccessful. They’re hard to come by. If they’re smart enough to respond to my want ads, they’re too smart to do whatever I ask without question. It’s a fine line that I need to explore further.
These are things that future world leaders need to keep in mind – even (gasp) elected ones.
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