No, not from here. Rather, I would like to be banned from a country.
Call it a new personal goal. It’s important to set goals for yourself that make you work harder and reach new heights of personal skill. You see, there is a juggler (you may have seen him on “America’s Got Talent”) that claims that a trick he performed – balancing a running lawnmower on his chin and having assistants throw heads of lettuce into it – got him banned from England, Scotland, and Ireland.
Yup – you guessed it – it got me thinking. First of all, the trick didn’t seem that impressive. No, I’m not about to go try it myself, but did it really get him banned? Secondly, I would think that it would be easier to get banned from some countries than from others. Some cultures are a little more uppity, like the French. Or perhaps don’t have a lot of tolerance for different cultures, like some of the Arab countries. I can definitely see being kicked out of France or Egypt without trying too hard.
But Scotland? The country that mooned the Brits in the middle of the battlefield? The country that invented golf, for chrissakes? Did they really ban somebody for a stupid lawnmower trick? Seems to me the only way to get kicked out of Scotland would be to not drink enough, or to insult the haggis, or to make disparaging remarks about your neighbor’s sheep.
So my new personal goal is to get kicked out of a country. Doesn’t matter which one. I would like to show up for my return flight (or be forcefully escorted to the airport,) have them stamp my passport for departure, and have the customs agent say sternly, “Mr. Donat, we would be most appreciative if you did not return.” I mean, how cool is that? That’s something you can brag about to your friends when you get home. “Bill got 86ed from O’Malley’s on Friday night? Hah! I got 86ed from Borneo! Beat that!”
You’d think that I’d be trying to make people like me, and here I am trying to be less popular. Well, like I said, it’s good to have goals. I have a few ideas, but I’m having trouble collecting all the ingredients and getting them overseas. I need a flamethrower, two mice and a bag of Fritos.
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